Searching for Love in All the Right (and Wrong) Places 💙

In today’s fast-paced world, is true love really out there?

Kenneth was busy at an all-day business event just outside London. It’s been a productive day for me as I stayed inside working through emails and projects. After a few hours, I decided to take a break from the relentless duties of “life administration.” Craving some fresh air, I set off to indulge in the ultimate British comfort food: fish and chips. It was only 5:30 PM, yet the café was teeming with patrons enjoying traditional afternoon tea, sipping coffee, and others, like me, relishing an early dinner.

The atmosphere was a vibrant contrast to the social distancing of 2020; the restaurant was packed, creating a cozy yet lively vibe. With tables snugly arranged, I couldn’t help but overhear a couple seemingly on a first date. I assure you, I wasn’t eavesdropping on purpose—it was simply impossible not to catch snippets of their conversation. They flitted from one topic to another: hobbies (she had once loved ballet!), favorite movies, family stories, and their hopes for the future. He could much get a word in edgewise, but if things work out, they can take communication classes later 🙂

As I savored my meal, I found myself captivated by this delightful scene unfolding nearby. Would they “find love” in each other?

In a culture that often promotes one night stands, a love grounded in Christ offers stability and purpose. According to a 2019 report from the Pew Research Center, couples who share a faith are more likely to report higher levels of marital satisfaction and commitment. Interestingly, research shows that Christian couples who regularly attend church together and at least sometimes pray together have a divorce rate as low as 20%. This statistic underscores the role of community and shared values in fostering resilient marriages.

However, when a Christian couple faces marital trouble, it’s essential to remember that struggles are a part of any relationship. The first step is often to acknowledge the issues without shame. Seeking help from a pastor or a Christian counselor can provide a safe space for open dialogue and transparency, all rooted in faith.

Emphasizing communication, active listening, and understanding can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth.

I did a quick search on marriage advice from couples who have celebrated a golden anniversary (50 years) and they have something to teach us all:

1. Watch your words: One of the most valuable lessons is to avoid airing out your differences right before bed. A peaceful night’s sleep is often more beneficial than a late-night argument. “In your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” (Ephesians 4:26)
2. Have a Shared Vision: Couples who reach 50 years together typically have a shared understanding of their life goals and values. It’s important to align your dreams and aspirations, creating a unified path forward. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
3. Put Your Spouse First: Each partner should feel valued and prioritized. Making your spouse feel important not only strengthens your bond but reinforces the foundation of love and respect in your relationship. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)
4. Know How to Fight Constructively: Long-lasting couples know how to navigate disagreements in a healthy way. It’s not about avoiding conflict, but rather learning to communicate effectively and make up afterwards, often emerging stronger than before. “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6)
5. Embrace the Journey: Remember that marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs. Celebrate the good times and learn from the challenges, always striving to grow together. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
6. There’s Always More to Learn: It’s rare for a married couple to not be learning something new about each other long after they get married. This continual discovery keeps the relationship vibrant. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
7. Have a Sense of Humor: Maintaining a sense of humor and a capacity for tolerance is vital in any long-term relationship. Laughter can diffuse tension and strengthen your bond. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)

Kenneth and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last June. As Rev. R.T. Kendall said at our wedding (as the officiant), “you’re looking at a modern-day miracle . . . Only God could put together a Scottish Highland Presbyterian man and a southern belle Pentecostal lady.” Kenneth and I are beyond thankful to be together and sharing this season of life together. However, we have also walked through seasons of sadness and loss. For me, it was divorce, and for him, the death of his wife from cancer. When we met, we were committed Christians who experienced unexpected loss and sadness. But God’s story for our life had another chapter to write.

However, being a Christian adult and single is not easy these days.

Life as a Christian single can be a journey filled with both hope and longing. Many believers desire companionship, yet the waiting period can often feel daunting. It’s important to recognize that singleness can also be a choice, a season of growth, or even a time of healing after experiences like divorce or widowhood. Our worth is not defined by our relationship status but by our identity in Christ. As Psalm 139:14 reminds us, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

However, unintentionally, not all church life is accommodating for the childless or single Christian.

Yet, in the journey of faith, both love and singleness hold profound significance for Christians. While many seek companionship, it’s essential to recognize that love isn’t limited to romantic relationships. As believers, we are called to embody Christ’s love in all aspects of our lives—through friendships, family, and community. Singleness can be a time of deep personal growth, allowing us to cultivate a stronger relationship with God. Embracing this season can lead to a fuller understanding of love, enabling us to share it more generously with others, whether single or coupled. In God’s perfect timing, love will unfold in unexpected ways.

Finding peace in this season begins with embracing the present. Jesus encourages us not to worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34), reminding us to focus on the blessings of today. Engaging in community through church activities or friendships can provide support and fulfillment, helping us remember that we are not alone in our desires.

The Bible offers examples of faithful singles who found purpose and blessing in their circumstances. The Apostle Paul, for instance, chose singleness to devote himself fully to ministry (1 Corinthians 7:7). Ruth, a widow, demonstrated loyalty and faithfulness, ultimately leading to her unexpected blessings (Ruth 4:13).

Moreover, prayer becomes a powerful tool for navigating feelings of longing. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us to bring our concerns to God, promising that His peace will guard our hearts. Sharing our feelings with God allows us to process our emotions and find solace in His presence, knowing He understands our desires.

Ultimately, while the longing for a partner is natural, finding peace lies in trusting God’s timing and plan for our lives. Remember, as Jeremiah 29:11 assures us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. Embrace this season, knowing that God is with you every step of the way.

I will never know if the couple at the next table found true love. But, whoever they are, I pray they know the love of God in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ for eternity.

When I think about love, one of my favorite songs about love is by Bill and Gloria Gaither, titled “I Am Loved”:

I am loved, I am loved
I can risk loving You
For the One who knows me best
Loves me most,
I am loved, You are loved
Won’t You please take my hand?
We are free to love each other
We are loved

You can listen to it here:

In a world filled with uncertainties, a love anchored in Christ—whether married or single—provides a firm foundation, guiding us all through life’s challenges and triumphs. You are loved! 🥰

What has God shown you about love, whether in marriage, singleness, or community? I’d love to hear how you have experienced His love in your journey. Please share your thoughts below!